« Horace: two translations | Main | Words for Love »

Ka-Blamo and Stork Patrol

Rough transcriptions of two of the songs from The Lonely Island. Transcribed without permission, if these were actually the right lyrics they would be © 2000-2003 Snugular Entertainment

by Incredibad
from Please Incredibad, don't hurt 'em

Here we go downtown
[unintelligible] ... all around
[unintelligible] you can't stop

You just won the lottery
that's ka-blamo!
You kissed Shannon Doherty
that's ka-blamo!
You joined a sorority
that's ka-blamo!
You lied about the lottery
NOT ka-blamo!

You met Fred Segal at a debutantes' ball
You gave him your number, he gave you a call
He told you to meet him at the corner at eight
You met him at nine, that's right, you were late

Stupid idiot, you don't know what you missed
Fred Segal's a star, and you called dis
His pimping-ass cooling-ass Mack-ass building
With ivy on the walls but not around the lettering

You dissed Fred Segal, and everybody knows
(ha ha ha ha ha) You're not ka-blamo

You doctored your arteries(?)
that's ka-blamo!
your mouthwash is gargly
that's ka-blamo!
your water is watery
that's ka-blamo!
I majored in pottery

You're chilling with your dudes and then they stab you in the face
All the way to the hospital you're bleeding all over the place
Your leg is amputated 'cause you got gangrene
And then you get cancer and you die in your teens

But then this really pretty girl who you've always really liked
Shows up to your funeral and that's a real mixed blessing.

Your jello is wobbly
that's ka-blamo!
You make a recovery
that's ka-blamo!
You're Harlem Globetrotter-y
that's ka-blamo!
You watch the Disorderlies
NOT ka-blamo!

When you're mining for coal and you forget what coal is
And you're sure to be fired, because that's your job
When a mole's in your ass and you wonder where the mole is
You're screwed man, a mole is in your ass

GOD, The meaning of life is revealed to you
and all of the drinks are old English brew
Your whim is the word of the people on earth
but the whole "mole in the ass" thing is haunting you, word.

When your fluids are bodily
that's ka-blammy
What happened to ka-blamo?
I mean ka-blamo!
Good, that's better.
that's ka-blammy!
Wait, I'm confused.
We said, ka-blamo!

... hard.

Stork Patrol
by Incredibad
from Please Incredibad, don't hurt 'em

Stork patrol, we're patrolling
Stork patrol, he's rolling
Stork patrol with the storkies
Stork patrol

You're one fine-feathered stork, with your lovely
hollow legs, long beak, feathers so cuddly
I want to step to ya stork but I don't know how
your style is mad intimidating, makes me go wild

Can't you open like those webbed toes, you know I spread those
scrawny bird legs past the head when I bed those
Steaky seed stork steady salty in your seed sack
how about this barnacle, bird? you know I need that

your feathers shiny, nasty plumage
let me probe your inner sanctum, I love you doin' it
with your storking ass, beautiful Marabou
plenty of birdseed for you, an incubator too

What up, feathered boo boo? Don't I recognize you?
National Geographic cover '92
turn around your backyard I can barely speak
oops there go my kids all over your beak

where are the storks we are the stork patrol
[radio] we have an APB out for three storks...
You are a beautiful specimen
You are a beautiful specimen

Hey bird, I know you love Victoria's Egret
garter belt on your your claws [unintelligible] freakish
I love you like my wingspan, everything's grand
knock it airborne make me pray to god to bring land

Never worry about what your friends say, they're just pelicans
Swallowing the minnows of other species' gentlemen
Thirty days thirty nights on my eggs you sitted
'Cause you've always been committed till the day I was acquitted

Love me baby, let me feed you crocodiles and insects
Let me be your park ranger and your sanctuary
Ooh I want to ruffle you up, suck on your beak
freak nasty dish, make you stand on one feet

Yo my eyes are red and my voice is trembling
Please don't leave me, stork; these days I need you till the end
When the cops came, you held my stash in your beak
God damn, nasty freak

Alright listen up stork
Three human men have got you surrounded
Now come outside and marry one of us]

May 31, 2003 in Song lyrics | Permalink